Coming Home Page 3

  “Yeah, she seems to love directing it at me.” I work hard at holding back the grin that wants to form. I need to curb my excitement at the prospect of seeing her. I’m kind of surprised at how she’s affecting me. “Jenny pissed off would be pretty funny to see. I’ll think about it.”

  We continue eating our meals in silence. It's clear we talked enough about feelings and shit. I take another bite, but suddenly I’m not feeling that hungry. The anticipation of seeing her next week sends my stomach into knots. As much as I love her feistiness, her attitude toward me is getting old. I know I made some mistakes. But come on, that was five years ago.

  Part of my woman break is figuring out what I want. I realize I’ve got a lot of fucked up shit in my life. But she’s the only one I’ve been thinking about lately. It’s not just sexual. There has to be something to that. She was my friend first and I miss that.

  Yet, the sexual energy I feel whether I’m around her or not I can’t ignore. The way I picture her and how keyed up I get won’t stop. It’s like the good and bad sides of me. My new sense of balance.

  She makes me want to grow and be a better man.

  Taking another sip of coffee, I picture the last time I saw her. Our brief moment gave me hope until my date ruined it. But, man, she looked stunning. She was only in a t-shirt and jeans, but it was the baseball cap that did it for me. I couldn’t help it. I watched her move every chance I could get. I’m sure she noticed too because her attitude forced me to tiptoe around her.

  I’m tired of it. Her mind-set is in desperate need of an adjustment, which I’ll be happy to assist her with. Arguing is fun and passionate, a complete turn on. However, I want the make-up part afterward too.

  It’s time to plan my next move.

  First up is finding my friend again. Then, who knows?

  Chapter 5

  Jenny

  I start to pace while waiting in the airport terminal. My parents are looking at me like I’m nuts. If I could sit still I would, but my body has a mind of its own. It’s as if every sensory neuron in my brain are firing off and sending my body into overload. The worst part is, the more I think about Jack, the more they fire off. The sensations are switching back and forth from pleasure to pain to pleasure again.

  The thoughts are beyond me right now. The anger makes sense. It’s the natural reaction. After what he did it’s the logical emotion. In fact, it should be the only one.

  My upper lip beads with sweat as the rest of my body goes flush. My overheating body combined with nausea and frantic emotions are not good. Not good at all. In fact, I’m hanging by a thread. The unraveling could happen any moment.

  “Jenny, sweetheart, you have got to calm down. I know you’re excited to move back home, but really, you are starting to make me nervous. Maybe you should have a glass of wine.”

  My body halts at the sound of my mom’s voice, blinking my eyes for clarity. I admire her beauty both inside and out. She’s my role model and the epitome of what a mother should be. Her astuteness is so on point sometimes that it freaks me the hell out. She’s aware of stuff that I never am.

  Sometimes when I look at her I feel like I’m looking in a mirror. The same blond hair, that she wears shorter now, and the diamond shape blue eyes. She’s not as tall as me, but she carries herself with such grace and elegance. I clearly did not get that gene. I tend to be a total klutz.

  That’s probably the only difference between us. For the past few years I have worked hard to develop into a lady, well somewhat of a lady. I’m the kind of lady who swears frequently when the need arises. It just so happens to be pretty often. I hear that it’s a sign of intelligence so I guess I’m pretty friggin' smart.

  I work to keep myself up off the ground. It’s kind of like a game finding bruises on my body that I have absolutely no idea where they came from. I gravitate toward my tomboy ways now and then. I do love a good kickboxing class and some touch football games.

  I continue to stare at her as my mind comes back to the present. “I know, Mom. I‘m sorry. I guess I’m just anxious to get home. You know, the whole new beginnings thing.” I shrug my shoulders, hoping that what I’m saying sounds convincing. If they knew I was nerved up about Jack, they could stage an intervention.

  My parents know I had the biggest crush on Jack growing up. It was so flipping obvious. Gramps knew too. So did Jack. I think the only one who didn’t have a clue was Ben. He was so caught up in his love life that he didn’t pay attention to what was happening in front of him.

  The only time Ben and Jack took notice was when I had a date, and then they were relentless. The teasing of me and threats to the other boy made my dating life interesting, to say the least. Not that I went out a lot. No one captured my interest more than Jack.

  My mother knew how much I liked him and tried to get me interested in other extracurricular things. She presented various activities to me to attempt to take my mind off of him. She even brought up names of other boys with the hope of seeing some glimmer of excitement. Unfortunately, Jack was all I could see.

  Alas, it was no use. She eventually gave up. And in a way, I did too. For me, he was a constant ache. A good ache. An enjoyable ache. One that burned, throbbed and tingled throughout my body. Jack had my heart. If I let myself admit it, at this actual moment, he still does.

  I sit down for a few minutes while closing my eyes tightly, concentrating on my breathing, in…out…in…out. It’s no use. As soon as my breaths begin, images of Jack appear in my head. Memories of my disastrous graduation party and the total humiliation I felt.

  Sometimes, when I let myself really remember, I feel happiness for a brief moment. However, it never lasts long. What started off beautiful ended in ugly. I’m pissed that he’s had my heart for so long.

  Now when I think of him, I’m consumed with a twisted rage. It doesn’t want to let up. My heart is in pain yet my body burns. The vital parts of myself are throbbing in opposite directions and it’s becoming too much. My brain is getting mixed messages and it’s exhausting.

  Welcome home to me.

  “Jenny, I can’t wait for you to see everyone again. Wait until you see how much the vineyard is growing.” My dad looks at me with such care and concern. He is clearly trying to help me. Hopefully, my fake smile looks real.

  “That’s great, Dad. I’m sure the changes you and Ben made are amazing. I’m so happy to be a part of it.” I truly mean it. Ben has got some amazing ideas and I want to help get them off the ground.

  The work is a good distraction as we talk expansion, then my mother pipes in. “Oh, and wait till you see everyone. They’ll all be there for dinner tonight.”

  My head turns sharply. “What do you mean?”

  “Oh. I didn’t tell you?”Her eyes look mischievous, but I tend to be dramatic. My nerves perk up again as I try to calmly nod my head. “Well, we are having a family dinner tonight. A welcome home party.” My static heartbeat slows down, realizing that she means Ben and Gramps.

  “That sounds perfect, Mom. I’m so excited to spend time with Ben and Gramps. I’ve missed them so much.” My mother smiles at me with that look again. I have a feeling she’s about to drop a bomb on me. “Yes, and Jack will be joining us too.”

  As an act of comfort, my mother takes my hand and squeezes it. I look down at them and return the squeeze. My eyes can’t make their way up to hers - at least not yet. I don’t want her to know that Jack still toys with me. It scares me. I’ve worked hard to control those feelings. My mom would see right through me. She probably already does. So I keep my head down and softly whisper, “That’s great.”

  Letting go, I move toward the large terminal window. I look out into the early morning sunrise. The vibrant oranges, yellows and reds that shine over the harbor color the sky. I wonder if it will always be like this, a mixture of colorful emotions. I stare at the sunrise and allow a few tears to fall. Taking a shaky breath in, I picture him.

  I recall the second time our lips touched. My lips cur
ve and I can’t help it. Placing my fingers on them, I give my mind permission to remember.

  The softest and most tender touch his mouth brought on mine. The wave of electricity I felt all the way down to my toes. Our lips connected for a fleeting moment, but it was enough for me. It told me that Jack still owned my heart. Nothing good could come of my love for him. It was always holding me back. But man, did I want more.

  Opening my eyes to the skylight outside, I realize that it’s time to make peace with Jack. It’s time to move on and stop loving him. I’m coming home a new Jenny. I will not be wrapped up in Jack Ryan. Hopefully I can do it and let all of our fucked up shit go.

  I had another relationship. It didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else out there. Jack was my past. I need a present. Time to let him go.

  Chapter 6

  Jack

  The drive to the winery is always a beautiful one. This has been my home. I was lucky to grow up surrounded by hills, vines, grapes, and wine. Not to mention some of the nicest, most passionate and hard-working people I’ve ever known.

  I guess that’s why I’ve stayed in the business of wine. I get the best of both worlds. I work in the city doing the corporate side of distributing wine, but I also get to visit with the people who make it. I have freedom to get out, interact and not be stuck inside an office.

  My car approaches my old house. My sister lived there until she got married. We talked about keeping the house, but I just wanted to sell it. The memories were too painful and I just wanted to move on with my life.

  As if my car has a mind of its own, I pull over to the side of the road. Looking at it shows me a different appearance. It’s still painted the same color but the sunlight has faded it. The mailbox is new and not the old dented one that would never stay shut.

  Seeing both reminds me of my parents. It’s amazing how outer appearances are much different than inner ones. There was so much emptiness on the inside, yet hidden by a bright sunshine yellow color outside. We were broken and in many ways I still am. My life has become a similar form of empty and I hate it.

  It’s always hard coming back because it forces me to deal with my reality. I don’t want to do it but I know it’s needed. My life can’t just keep existing. I want more. I deserve more.

  Closing my eyes tightly, I force myself to think of a happy memory. The first thing that always pops into my head is the smell of my mom baking chocolate chip cookies. I remember running in the house and watching her take them out of the oven. I stole them right off the pan and she swatted my sneaky hands with the spatula.

  Whenever I feel the sadness creep in, I mentally pull that one out. It brings me peace and happiness. She always loved to bake and her cookies were the best. I miss her more than ever lately. I wish she was here to help me sort through all of this mess. She would have guided me and made me a better man.

  Opening my eyes, I feel calmer and put the car in gear. I continue to Moon Dance. I drive on autopilot to my home away from home. The long driveway is a comfort to me. Seeing the barn in the distance set up for dinner makes me smile. I’m holding out some slight hope, that Jenny will have a smile on her face when she sees me tonight.

  Pulling into the rounded driveway I put the car in park. The last time we saw each other, she was giving me shit about my latest girlfriend, Ally. Believe me, I needed to hear it. Ally was by far the fakest girl I ever dated, but she had an amazing body and loved fucking. Those are the things I cared about. I laugh recalling how Jenny called me on my shit.

  “Seriously Jack? I mean seriously? I can spot the fake boobs and tan a mile away.” She approached me with such fierceness that my feet walked backward into the wall. The piss and vinegar in her eyes made my whole body jerk. I had never seen her eyes like that and it intrigued the hell out of me. “Did you hear what I said Jack?”

  I shook my head no, because honestly, I kind of got lost in her eyes and that damn ball cap she was wearing. Lame…I know.

  She continued with her fiery tone. “I mean really Jack. You could do so much better. She’s as plastic as they come. She doesn’t get any of our jokes and can’t keep up with our clever banter. Why do you subject yourself and us to these transparent women?” I could only stare at her. She was determined and on a clear mission. I was fascinated with her.

  It was impossible for me to come up with something witty to say, a rarity for me.

  She approached me, getting even closer, filling me with the softest scent of jasmine. Her eyes softened, and her lips opened the slightest bit. I couldn't help but look at them. It was like seeing them for the first time. But I knew about them; knew how good they made me feel.

  My mind drifted back to years earlier when I experienced them on mine. How right and how wrong they were.

  My eyes refocused on them and I took note that they were soft, pink, and full. Then her tongue peeked out and licked them. I immediately felt my cock harden. I knew I was in serious trouble there. This was not supposed to happen.

  Shit.

  This was Jenny. I forced my eyes to look up at the ceiling while thinking about last night’s football game.

  Gently, her warm soft hands touched my face and pulled my gaze back down to hers. She had my mind and body in awe at that exact moment. Right then and there, I knew my life would never be the same.

  Her voice softened as she stepped in closer to me. “Jack, please don’t fall in love with someone like that. You deserve better. I know who you really are and that bimbo in there’s not it.” She paused while her gaze left mine for a moment but her hands stayed . When her eyes returned, I could see pain masked in them. “We’ve all had shit occur in our lives but how we make it to the other side defines us. Don’t let what happened to your parents define who you are and how you love.”

  She took one more step toward me. I faintly heard her talking still but I couldn't listen to a thing. Fuck. I was having trouble focusing on anything but her mouth right now. I was certain those luscious lips were about to land on mine. They were what I wanted and needed to feel. In that moment, I felt like a kid in a candy store, finally getting another taste of the sweetest sugary treat.

  Her breath tickled my lips as she whispered my name. “Jack…Jack I…”

  My hands made their way to her waist, closing the last few precious inches before our lips touched . “What is it Jenny? Tell me, or better yet, show me.” Her breath caught as if she was surprised by my words. Her body was now flush in line with mine. I whispered to her while she licked her lips, teasing me again. “Show me. Help me.”

  And then, for the briefest moment, our lips connected . And in that split second, I knew what I wanted. What I was missing from my life. She had been right there all along. In that brief intimate connection, my life was beginning to appear.

  I was fairly certain Jenny saw it too. And it scared the hell out of both of us.

  “Jack! Jack! Where are you? You left me all alone in there with that crazy family!” Ally’s screechy voice interrupted and ruined everything. Both our bodies jerked to attention and I watched her jump next to me. My eyes still gravitated toward hers, pulling me in. I could see hurt on her face. I saw it once before, a long time ago. I didn’t like it then and I certainly didn't like it now.

  “Jack. What the hell?” My trance was interrupted by Ally. I hated the loss I felt. I tried clearing my throat, tried to buy some time while I figured out what to say or do.

  Looking between these two women, I had a defining moment. I could continue down my same path or I could forge a new one. Jenny’s fingertips grazed mine and the brief current of shock was all I needed. She was right. I couldn’t let my parents define how I lived and loved.

  I want love and to be loved. Jenny was a chance for me. Now what the fuck was I going to do about it?

  Things had been crazy and fiery since.

  Getting out of my car, I can’t help the sudden wave of nerves that course through me. The reality is we have never talked about what ha
ppened between us almost a year ago. Christ, we haven’t even talked about five years ago. In order for me…us…to get anywhere, we need to fix this shit.

  Today.

  I will not accept anything less until it’s sorted out.

  Jenny has done her best to avoid me, but all that is about to change. She will not ignore me and I will finally finish that kiss. This is going to happen. My ego gets the better of me. Jenny will be mine. I sound like a caveman. If in the process of winning her over, she falls in love with me, then even better. Honestly, I just need her to shut the fuck up for more than two seconds. As I step toward the house, I laugh at the thought. “Yeah, like that’s ever going to happen.”

  It’s go time.

  Chapter 7

  Jenny

  I’ve only been home for a few short hours but it feels like I never left. My room is exactly the way I left it. I look around at the posters and trophies and smile at the memories. I had a happy childhood and enjoyed every moment of my time here on the vineyard.

  I followed my brother and Jack around like an annoying sister should. Ben acted like it bothered him, but he always relented and allowed me to tag along. We did everything together and, whatever he did, I did it too. I had plenty of scrapes, bruises, and a few broken bones to prove it.

  Scanning my eyes around the room, I look at a photo on my side table. A picture of Ben, Jack and I out on the tractor covered in mud. Our arms draped around each other, not caring that we were a mess.

  Reaching for another one, I trace the outline of my favorite picture. It was from when Ben and I were younger and we’re sitting on the large oak barrels. We are sampling sips of our Petite Syrah. My dad’s face looks at us with both love and pride as we sample our family’s legacy.