Coming Home Read online

  Coming Home

  Aine Kelley

  Copyright © 2017 by Aine Kelley

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Cover Design: Sarah Hansen from Okay Creations (www.okaycreations.com)

  Photographer: Regina Wamba from Mae I Designs (www.maeidesign.com)

  Editor: Dave Wheeler – Creative Consulting Services

  Proofreading: Julie Deaton – Author Services by Julie Deaton

  Interior Design: Buoni Amici Press (www.buoniamicipress.com)

  For My Two Amazing Daughters – I love you to the moon and back.

  For My Family- Thanks for all your love and support.

  For My Friends – You never gave up on me.

  For my muse – you have inspired me to open up and be myself- thank you for your friendship, trust, care, words, support, playfulness and creativity. I’m sending up the Bat signal.

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Also by Aine Kelley

  Prologue

  Graduation Night

  “Jennifer? What are you doing, my lovely girl?” I jump at Gramps’s muffled voice as he softly knocks on my bedroom door. Pulled from my anxiety-riddled mind, I leap off my bed and glance out the window to see the party starting without me. “Get your fanny in gear. Everyone is waiting for you.”

  “Just a sec, Gramps!” I call back as I check my appearance in the mirror for the hundredth time. I need everything to be perfect tonight, or I’ll lose my nerve. Luckily, my hair cooperates and the soft waves fall just the way I like. Added to near perfect mascara application – for once I didn’t stab myself in the eye with the wand – and just the right lip gloss, I know it has to be a sign.

  Tonight is definitely the night to finish what Jack Ryan and I started last night. I’m not only going to show him, but tell him. His abrupt departure had to be nerves. That’s the only explanation I can think of. I saw the truth in his eyes. He felt it just like I did.

  I adjust the strappy sandals I bought just for tonight, brush a bit of lint off the black cotton sundress, and double check the back for any embarrassing underwear tucks.

  Here goes nothing!

  I turn away from the mirror and open my bedroom door, Gramps’s smile calming my racing heart instantly. As usual, he shows up just when I need him most. “Hey, Gramps,” I say as I step into his open arms. “What are you doing up here?”

  “I had a feeling you needed a jolt to get moving,” he whispers as he hugs me tight. Stepping back, he winks and offers me his arm to escort me to my party.

  “Thanks, Gramps.” He leads me downstairs and out onto the porch. I freeze as my gaze locks on Jack. His back is to me, but I tense in anticipation.

  “He’s a pain in the ass, but he sure is a looker.” Gramps chuckles at my expression and I stare at him.

  “Wh…what are you talking about?” I stammer, horrified at the thought Gramps knows. How can he know? Did I let something slip? Is it that obvious?

  “Oh, come on, sweets. I may be old, but I’m not blind.” He leads me off the porch and across the yard to the barn, stopping at the open door and turning to face me, a warm smile of encouragement on his face. “He’s a nice boy, too. But don’t tell him I said that. I like to give him grief whenever I can.” He kisses my forehead and adds, “Have a good time. You’ve earned it.” Then he wanders into the crowd of people.

  So many people and there’s only one person I want to have a good time with. At that moment, Jack turns and meets my gaze, his amazing grin threatening to turn my insides to goo.

  Focus, Jenny! One foot in front of the other.

  My brother Ben appears next to Jack, pulling him away before I can make my way through the crowd. I start to follow but my friends fill in the path, and I let them distract me with talk of plans for the summer and who’s going where in the fall.

  My path is a foregone conclusion – off to college for a business degree and then back home to take over the winery with my brother. Everyone assumes UCLA, but even though my parents sent a deposit to the family alma mater, I sent one to Northeastern University. By the end of the night, I’ll know where I’m going. UCLA to be closer to Ben or clear across the country to escape my shame in Boston. Talk about hedging your bets!

  I drift from group to group as the celebrations continue late into the evening. After a while, I need a break from the crowd and the noise. I wander out of the barn and down the path to the pressing house, a place I’ve always found comforting. When I was little, I would watch for hours as the workers unloaded the grapes into the presses for the first stage of wine-making, and it’s where I’ve always found myself whenever I needed to clear my head.

  I stop short when I see light coming from the windows, wondering who could have beat me to my thinking spot. As quietly as I can, I move around the side of the building and peek through the window. The last thing I expect to see, and the one thing that could truly destroy me, plays out in front of me – Jack’s pants down around his ankles, screwing the blonde bimbo that spent the night fawning all over him.

  Instant disgust at my blind devotion to him for so many years propels me into the vineyard, my mind reeling as I try to escape my waking nightmare. How could I, for one minute, think things had changed between us? He doesn’t see me. Not the way I let myself believe he did. I’m just his best friend’s annoying little sister, and that’s all I’ll ever be to him. That must be why he bolted from me last night.

  I wasted so much of my life deluding myself. I just knew he saw the real me, that he could see how I felt. How dumb am I. Here I thought I’d actually – finally – grown up. Nope, just the same silly girl pining for something I can never have. How pathetic.

  “Jenny? Are you ok?” The hesitation in the deep voice stops my flight into the vineyard. I know this voice, but can’t quite place it. I wipe the tears from my face as I turn, the shadowed form slowly coming into focus. He steps toward me and recognition dawns, and with it clarity. Standing right in front of me is a guy who clearly wants me. No guessing, no games. It’s time to stop wasti
ng my life on a dream, and start living the reality in front of me.

  I step toward him, determined to rid my heart of Jack once and for all. I lift up on my toes, and just before I press my lips to his I whisper, “Hey, Liam. I’m so glad you were the one to find me.”

  Chapter 1

  Jenny

  The recurring dream brands his image on my eyelids in the customary final insult as my alarm pulls me from sleep. I force my eyes open, needing to escape the fantasy my heart refuses to let go of. The dreams are bad enough, but they’ve intensified, and even spilled into daydreams, as my return to the winery gets closer. I ran away all those years ago, and stayed away as long as I could, but the time has come for me to go home. Despite my efforts, I’m no closer to ridding my heart of Jack Ryan today than I was all those years ago.

  Jack Ryan has been a part of my life, whether I wanted him in it or not, since I was seven years old. He’s pretty much witnessed every significant event in my life. He knows more about me than most. He was my brother’s best friend, and mine too. He became my ideal of the perfect guy, which basically means he had the power to make me and break me.

  He’s also the one guy that could twist me up and then unravel. Which he did do. Brilliantly.

  After all these years you would think he wouldn’t still be on my brain, but he is. You see guys like Jack don’t ever really leave you. They stick on your brain like super glue. They might loosen a tad but that fucker isn’t going anywhere.

  Once you have someone like that in your life, you can’t help what you do or how you act.

  Growing up, I let my feelings for Jack intensify but kept my silence. He became my first crush. But it went beyond that; I loved him. Even as he turned into a male whore, I loved him. I knew the real him, the one others didn’t see.

  From the moment he pulled my ponytail he had my heart. I was young but still knew what love was. I grew up surrounded by it. But the depth of it took a lot longer to grasp.

  Jack has staked his claim and there hasn’t been much room for anyone else. I tried over the years but it always ended badly. I dated a ton and college was the perfect place for that. But no one really captured my attention because Jack was clouding it.

  Then last year I found myself with my first long term boyfriend. I thought I had finally silenced Mr. Ryan.

  I met Reid at the campus bookstore. It turned out we were both in the same class. One cup of coffee and three hours later, I was hooked. He was the opposite of any guy I had ever met. That excited me. I honestly thought this was the guy. Finally.

  When we started to talk about moving in together after graduation, I knew it was serious. That’s when the doubts crept in. Too many questions jumbled my brain. I put in the effort, but in the end it felt wrong.

  Perhaps my subconscious was deliberately sabotaging it.

  As crazy as it sounds, I realized this while watching a repeat of Grey’s Anatomy. It was about the idea of having a person. I thought long and hard about that. Then the questions started. What is a person to me? What is my definition of it?

  I came up with a list because that’s what I do. For me, the definition of person is someone in your life that is there for you no matter what. Who loves you for all that you are - your past, present, and future. Someone you could be with for the rest of your life. A person you could count on. As much as I wanted it to be Reid, it wasn’t. He was not what I pictured for my future.

  That’s when Jack reentered my life. Still stuck. He’s the only one that made me feel wanted. It wasn’t fair to Reid or myself. So I ended it, and it was awful.

  It took me a while to realize what I wanted and needed. I had to be alone. To find out who I was without Jack or anyone. I needed to find me. It was scary and not easy, but I made it to the other side. Who I used to be was not me now. No backtracking only forward.

  Jack was a backtrack.

  Grabbing water, I drop my restless body on the couch. It drives me crazy that I still think of him. He hasn’t changed over the years. He’s a womanizer who never stays with anyone too long. But here I am still haunted by him. Now that I’m going home, he’s on my mind even more. Living Jack free is increasingly impossible.

  If there’s one score on my side, it's that I’m not the same old Jenny. The old me was way different. I was a tomboy, nerd, klutz, wine maker, reader, writer, ball buster (yes, girls can be that too) and a hopeless romantic. I set my sights on making Jack my romantic idol and hero. Which, of course, was an epic let down.

  Today I’m different. Being alone shaped me and forced me to find out who I am now, and to not live by anyone else's definition. I make my own rules and live my life the best way I know how. Each day is a gift and I embrace it. I won’t strive for less. A select few are in my trust circle and I like it that way.

  My anger for Jack is still there; that hasn’t lessened. So why do I still dream of him?

  Then I go back to the great unknown question. Who is my person? My best friend Sam is that for me, even though it drives her insane when I say that. She wants me to chill over the idea of a ‘person’ so I made her watch the episode. That shut her up.

  Perhaps someday I will find the great love of my life. But as Gramps likes to tell me, "it will happen when it happens.”

  Lying back, I let that ruminate. I’m still a romantic but I’m also a realist. Can that even exist?

  What I had with Jack was a fantasy, crush, friend, and the perfect boy I built up in my head. Reid was real, but too much was missing. The longer we were together, the more it came out. I wasn’t able to be who I was because I didn’t know myself yet.

  I’ve had two heartbreaks in my life. Now that I’m alone, I’ve learned from them. What I want and need is clear, and I won’t accept anything less. It doesn’t have to be perfect but perfect for me.

  Deciding that I’m going to skip my eight a.m. class, I climb back into bed. Jack’s face appears again as I close my eyes. He was the cliché boy next door that I fell in love with. He came over to play one day and my heart was done for. Unrequited love sucks.

  The past five years I learned who I was, but it was a long road. I moved on from Jack and even fell in love with someone else. However with my return home looming over my head, my confidence is slipping. In a short time, he will be in my space again.

  I’m still angry at how he hurt me, even though he doesn’t know why. The right thing to do would be to tell him everything and then move on. Get some closure so I can continue my personal growth. But this is Jack, my first love. How could I resist his charm and womanizing ways?

  But I have to. He’s not part of who I am now. He doesn’t know the woman I’ve become.

  Chapter 2

  Jack

  She’s coming home. I can’t believe she’s coming home. I act cool. I always try when I’m around Ben. If he knew how I think about Jenny, he’d be pissed. She’s his little sister and he protects her fiercely, especially after his fiancée, Beth died. He keeps a close eye on her and has made it clear that no man – correction, no player – is acceptable.

  I knew back then I had feelings for her, but she had two strikes against her. Number one, she was young. Number two, she was Ben’s sister. The third strike hasn’t come across the plate yet, however, given her treatment of me over the years, I would say I’m out.

  Even so, she was the one girl I felt like I could be me around. She didn’t judge me or treat me like I was the kid with the crazy mom. She would listen to me and I liked that. Plus the way she looked at me made my ego expand, just like my dick would grow when she was around. The older she got, the more it happened.

  But after she left, her temperament changed. She’s grown pissy, sassy, and downright angry with me. The shitty thing about it is that I honestly don’t know why. So I learned to keep my mouth shut and stay away when she came home for vacations. It was better this way.

  It actually bothered me how hostile she became toward me. The one girl I felt things for didn’t like me anymore. I opted for th
e no stress route and actively ignored her visits. I like no strain and pressure.

  My life is free and easy. No major expectations and no disappointments. I keep women at arms’ length and never let anyone in. Too many people I love have died so it’s easier to separate and be distant. I don’t keep it a secret, either. The women I date know that about me. There’s no hidden agenda. I am who I am.

  And Jenny hates it.

  She won’t let me be like that and it frustrates me. She digs in deeper and I actually didn’t mind it. All the talks we had without Ben knowing still replay in my head. She’s been the one girl, now woman, who I could tell anything.

  My mind goes back to Ben. He’s my best friend, and we’ve been through a lot together. When Beth died, we both fought through the pain. His was for the love of his life. Mine was for my mother. We understand that loss isn't something you want to experience at a young age.

  Ben is the one person I can count on, besides my sister, in this world. We are there for each other. We both know the crap side of life. He, however, is a one woman guy. As for me, I prefer the buffet.